Economics of Menopause

by Deborah Nielsen
(Fredericton, NB Canada)

What do menopause, singleness and caffeine have in common? You guessed it lower heating bills.

Lets start from the beginning; lets say the winter of 2007-2008. During that time I was paying $200.00 per month on electric with an internal apartment temperature of 20°. This year I find myself menopausal and paying $125.00 per month in electric and an internal apartment temperature of 14°. Calculating $75.00 per month savings for 4 months I’ve saved $500.00.

I don’t worry about the cold, as I know a hot flash is not far away. As long as I keep the caffeine flowing I’m pretty much in the zone. You may think caffeine may keep you up but the hot flashes will do that anyway. You could opt against this method of lowering your heating bills. That is entirely up to you. As for me I love chocolate, tea and my Saturday morning coffee. Its not like it will cost me more to heat my apartment if I eat or drink the above as I do already. Its just smart thinking I think. Smiling yet, wait it gets better.

Ok now it gets really interesting, how many menopausal single people live by them selves? They really need to do a feasibility study on this one I think. What if the pharmaceutical labs found a way to make everyone menopausal for 4 months during the winter? Think of how much energy would be saved. Of course the money the pharmaceutical labs make could be used to subsidize the electric companies deficits, because don’t you know we share in this country. Hey when I get off on tangents just look at me going on and on and on.

Truthfully when I cut the caffeine from my diet the hot flashes sub-side. My electric went up, and I’ll get a massive headache from caffeine withdrawal and I just plain love the stuff. So I think I’ll get my electric reduced. It’s really up to you. Now that I’ve saved $500.00 I thought I’d spend it on a writing course. Cool huh, no pun intended, so menopause bring it on.

Things to do when you’re menopausal; write a play, a movie, your memoirs. You can spend the night plotting revenge, I mean problem solving, and yea that’s what I meant. Lets face it you don’t get to be our age and not have dealt with complex issues. Am I right or am I right.

On a more serious note, for those of us that have been through crisis situations. Volunteer on a help line, I know that nights are a hard time slot to fill. I’ve really tried to stay away from the weightier side of things. There is enough on that subject out there. I prefer to dwell on the positives.

Well I’m just to toasty warm to sleep, and seeing this is a cold time of year I thought some levity might be welcome. So curl up with a book and Iced tea, set the temperature down and settle in for the night. Hey maybe we could swap hot flash stories, do ya wanna. Hoping your year is filled with all things cool.
© Deborah Nielsen February 2009